too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
