Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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