it wasn't lemon gatorade
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
