Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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