she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
