How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize
