your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
