I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
