I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
