Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Can you bring me the toilet please
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
