you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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