everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize