so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
