Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
