Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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