no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize