Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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