Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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