just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
