Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
