Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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