I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
