i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
just tell him i said nine months
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
