So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
