She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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