I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Someone came in the potted fern
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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