I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
