You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
