And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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