My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize