Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
