How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
