Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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