We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
