Can i not drive my cunt home
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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