She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
