Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
