i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
he shaved USA in his pubs
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
