You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
