next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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