you guys were way drunker than both of me
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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