He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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