i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
