Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
