D3 body, D1 cock
my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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