stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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