So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
