if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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