yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
only if we run a train.
done.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Randomize
