if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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