Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
We left the knife in your bed.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
