He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
