So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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