The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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