How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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