My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
