Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
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