Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
