if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just googled if crying burns calories
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
