My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize