Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
