have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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