idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize