Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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