I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
