laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
