Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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