Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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