you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We were destined to go to rehab together
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
