Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I fill condoms, not promises.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
