my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
