i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
