I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
