yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
