one might say we're banned from that church
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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