i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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