you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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