Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
