i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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