My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
