maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize