Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
