I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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