After last night, I could never be a politician.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
