My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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