How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
then he tried to convert me to islam
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize