i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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