that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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