in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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