Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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