I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
