about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
